On Choices + Making Them

I have always felt most at home during life’s in-between’s.

Whether that be the change of seasons, on a train in a new country with ironic nostalgic music in my ears, or in the moments before taking a dive into the unknown.

The times where our capability to feel is enhanced, our senses ignited, knowing that something big is about to happen. Those moments which are seemingly building up into something greater.

Because of this, much of my adult life has been spent stuck in a chasm of almost. A place where I can almost grasp what I am reaching for, that ominous feat to be conquered before I can stand in one place for more than a couple months.

Nursing. Psychology. Global Political Economy. Leave it all. Live abroad. Stay abroad. Go home. Move, again. Maybe I’ll farm. I’ll be a health care aide. I’ll move home. Figure it out. This summer. Next summer. 

This isn’t to say I am not a happy person. A grateful person. But that gratefulness sometimes wanders off in the quest of discovering more, my intuition leading me towards where I am supposed to be. And so the cycle continues. Choose, omit, repeat.

The problem is in the wanting. In the almost. In the thought process that varied scenarios will yield varied results. That maybe, one time, something will click, and I will solve what it is I am seeking.

We all know, life itself will continually teach you a lesson until you learn what it is you’re supposed to figure out.

“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Throughout this cycle of abandoned choices and dreams, there has been an unwavering feeling that I am, regardless of these choices, headed in the right direction. We’ve all had that feeling; a pull from the center of our being, upwards and outwards, towards change.

Which is why I am here.

I believe in my choices, or lack thereof. Because none of them, not one, has steered me wrong. Through these choices, these odd and mysterious and crossed occurrences, I’ve come this far. I’ve learned and opened and shared and loved beyond my wildest dreams. These stories, I’ve come to find, are where my heart has always been pulled. Pulled both into myself, and outside of myself, towards life; I mean the life that makes you really feel, a life of beautiful and messy and necessary emotions, because of my choices.

So, here is my next choice.

I am here to share stories. To maybe help you share your story. The stories which a person can see through the way you hold a gaze, or the ones that might rather sit untouched until you beckon them forward. To share with the world what has and what does make you feel.

These stories have found strange paths into my life. And mine is but one, one set of experiences out of billions.

If I’ve learned anything through my small bits of experience, it is this: we are all built up because of each other; our choices are all interconnected. We are already a part of something greater, an entire community, whether we realize it or not.

Choose to share pieces of yourself, and realize that you already belong.

#apassionproject – coming soon

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Lovely post! So happy that I found your blog 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you for taking the time to read! This is a post close to my heart, so I really appreciate when someone else can gain something from it. 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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